May Flowers

It has once again been too long since I've written. We took Luke to a butterfly pavillion a few weeks ago and had a great time. One even landed on Coy's hand. My cousin told me that she heard a butterfly is almost like a spirit of someone special, so if that is true it had to be Brenda as this butterfly was the prettiest blue color I have seen and Brenda had beautiful blue, twinkling eyes.
We have had a sad week as a guy that Coy has gotten to know through work committed suicide this week. He was a great, caring man and I guess he really was suffering with depression and a chance of losing his business. We went to the visitation last night and it broke my heart in two to hear his sister and brother weeping and sobbing as they saw his body, I ache for them as the days move forward. It is too tough! I was reading a book last night called "Dealing with Dad" it's about adjusting to life with a baby and how it all works with marriage. It talked about the things we take for granted in our spouse and going to bed mad, and there was a story about crawling in bed with the your husband and what if you knew that was the last time you'd sleep by him, how different some nights would be. I think of this man who passed away and his wife, she had a big strong, healthy husband to cuddle up next to and now he is gone. Then wouldn't you know if I wasn't upset enough I watched Grey's Anatomy and the story of Izzy dying and then she got married... I was bawling my head off.... if only these things didn't happen in real life and if only my sister in law hadn't gone through something so similar, one bad report after another, if only, if only, if only. I am grateful though that we got to tell Brenda how much she meant to us, we all wrote her letters and gave them to her in a book for Thanksgiving. We had the chance to make sure she knew how special she was, and even though I've thought of a million more things I wished we could have talked about, I'm thankful I opened my heart up and shared some things with her.
On Thursay I'm heading to Iowa... it's been almost 3 months since I've been back, that might be a record for me:) Now let the summer and traveling begin!
By the way... anyone know of any great jobs in Iowa for Coy.... I've been so so homesick and I can hardly even think of the possibility of moving closer because it makes me so excited, something to keep praying about, but I've made it 3 years... that's what I told Coy I would do.....so cross your fingers and toes that we can come home soon... and I mean within a year or so NOT 5 (Coy if you're reading hint hint:) Take Care